I’ve composed letters to Santa Claus from a few familiar holiday characters. It’s never too late to believe. You are loved. Merry Christmas!
Dear Santa,
I can only say to the man so fat,
I wish I had a baseball bat!
To swing and break and stain and tear,
Each painted and padded, red work chair.
Everyone thinks you’re oh so nice,
Not knowing your snowballs are made with ice!
How can you, how dare you – bring so much joy?
With one little ball or a doll or toy?
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you – it’s true.
I hate you so much, I’ve turned green and not blue!
Why do you fly all over the place?
I wish a penguin would land on your face.
You go to the mall and talk with the kids,
I bet your underwear has lots of skids!
Even your reindeer are stupid and dumb,
I hope their leashes break both of your thumbs.
You’re kind to the young and sweet to the old,
You promise and lie! Or so I’ve been told.
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you – and such.
You can’t possibly know how I hate you so much!
Frosty the Snowman’s your personal pal,
I hope he melts and the sun’s out now!
Your wife’s so mean and she looks like a witch,
Let’s cut to the chase – she a first class – Oh, never mind!
I hate Christmas. I hate snow.
I especially hate your “Ho ho ho!”
I hate presents, I hate bows,
I hate eggnog when it gets on my nose.
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you – I do.
I don’t want you to wonder – I hate you!
Hatingly,
The Grinch
Jeffrey Griffin 