You Should Look It Up

My mama and I had a lot of conversations in the car. A lot. We were always going from here to there, or somewhere.

“Did you know I coached basketball one time?”

“What? When? Where? Were y’all any good? Did you win? Who was your best player? Did you have an assistant?”

“It was my first year teaching. John A. Holmes High School in Edenton. I was told I’d be coaching the girl’s junior varsity basketball team after I took the job.”

I was less than impressed.

“We had a perfect record, too.”

“You were undefeated?”

“The varsity boys got the gym right after school. Then, the JV boys practiced. The varsity girls got it next and we could have the gym about seven or eight at night.”

“Y’all practiced at eight o’clock? What about the other gym? That’s not cool.”

“Son, there was only one gym and they didn’t care if the girls practiced or not.”

“And y’all won every game… that’s incredible.”

“We didn’t win.”

“But, you said…”

“I said our record was perfect. It was. We lost every game.”

“Mama! That’s awful. You didn’t win a game?”

“We never practiced. I wasn’t about to go in a dark school, late at night, with a bunch of ninth-grade girls. We showed up for the games and what happened, happened.”

Oh well. They didn’t ask my mama to coach another season.

Maybe coaching wasn’t her thing, but she could play ball. She was the starting center on the Thomasville High School women’s basketball team.

I inherited my mother’s enthusiasm for the game and her height, but not her ability to shoot the ball.

Sophia’s mama, Vikki, played soccer and field hockey. I had never really thought about it, but we’re an athletic family.

The competitive fire burns deeply in her DNA.

Whatever the reason, the girl was eager to join a team at Meadowlark Middle School.

Her first choice was volleyball. I was surprised.

“Why volleyball?”

“We watched it during the Olympics and I think it would be cool.”

Fair enough. Go for it. This, for a child that had not played a single point of volleyball.

It wasn’t a complete shock when her name did not appear on the roster.

She accepted an offer to be the team manager. She went to practice every day. She worked out with the team. She kept stats. She counted substitutions.

The season ended. No trophy. No championship. She came home with new bruises and a dull pencil.

No matter. She learned lots and she’s got a better chance to make the team next year.

“Basketball tryouts are Tuesday. Can I go?”

Yes. Of course. Go.

I met Sophia in the carpool line after the first day of tryouts.

“How’d it go?”

“Good.”

“Can we move past the mono-syllabic responses, please? How many people were at auditions? Tryouts. Whatever they are.”

“Fifty or sixty.”

“Fifty or sixty?!?!”

I was not expecting that.

“What did you have to do?”

“We warmed up. We ran. We scrimmaged… I think I made one of them mad.”

“One of who? A coach? A player?”

“A player.”

“What happened?”

“Well, we were scrimmaging and she got mad and threw the ball down and started yelling at me. ‘You can’t do all that and keep putting your hands in my face!’”

“Sophia, what were you doing?”

“I was guarding her. I said, ‘you know what? I’m doing my job. It’s called defense. You should look it up.’”

“Yep. She’s probably mad. She’ll get over it. Good for you. You did the right thing.”

Sophia was utterly serious. I struggled to hide my laughter.

You should look it up.

Damn. That’s funny. Make the team or not, that’s pure gold.

Tryouts lasted all week. Another round of cuts every afternoon.

Team rosters were due to be published on the school’s website by 6:30 PM.

There it was. “Sophia Griffin” was the second name listed.

Sophia is practicing layups in the driveway.

Vikki is ordering terrible towels and a Mustang jersey.

Margaret is undoubtedly pleased to know practice begins at 2:00, not 8:00.

I’m relieved. Excited. Proud. Hopeful.

#22. You should look it up. Oh, me. I’ll forever love that. Go, Sophia. Go.

Mr. President

Zeke Leonard was one of my mother’s favorite children.

Talk about marching to the beat of your own drummer… Zeke paraded through life with his own band, rootin’-tootin’ melodies most of us had never heard.

Zeke was different. Not peculiar. Not a little odd. Different different. Unique. Special. One of a kind.

I think it’s fair to say most of us didn’t pay much attention.

He was skinny. Well, he was as narrow as we were wide. Long hair. Black overcoat. All kinds of bracelets and rings and necklaces.

We tolerated him because Margaret loved him. He wasn’t obtuse or anything, he just wasn’t “one of us.” Most importantly, he hadn’t earned his place in the inner circle.

It was our traditional end-of-the-school-day gathering in Room 150. Magnolia was irritated. We waited for the hammer to drop, wondering who had messed up.

“Y’all know Zeke…”

“That little boy in the black coat?” It was probably Beau, because he was the only member of the inner circle afforded to the grace to make politically insensitive comments.

“Yes. And he’s not a little boy. I like him. He has a problem and I want it fixed. Tomorrow.”

Turns out, some older, bigger, dumber and uglier boys were making life difficult for Zeke. He told Margaret. Margaret told us. It was handled.

Nobody was older, bigger, dumber and uglier than us, so it really wasn’t a big deal.

That was all it took. Zeke belonged.

Whatever legacy we created, good or bad, we left in the hands of others. Win. Susi. Marsi. Zeke.

In the spring of his junior year, Zeke announced he was going to run for student body President. My mother was not pleased.

I was sitting in her room after school when the conniption hit. I sure was glad it was directed at somebody other than me.

“Zeke, it’s not funny and I can’t believe you would waste everybody’s time if you don’t really want to do it.”

I think Zeke thought of it more as a protest or rebellion, than anything else. That’s what it looked like.

“If you want to be President, don’t mess around. Campaign and do it. Otherwise, get out of the way.”

Zeke did not mess around. It was a group effort. Everybody campaigned. The speech, fabulous. The posters, direct. The slogan, “Why not?” It worked, too.

Zeke won the election. The student body President at North Forsyth High School. His name is etched on a plaque outside the main office on Shattalon Drive.

I was a student council officer. Care Bears appeared on my campaign posters. It was charming.

My mama was a student council officer at Thomasville High School.

It runs in the family.

We were prepared for Sophia to make a run in the fall of 2020. It didn’t happen. The pandemic ensured there would be no campaigning and no voting at Vienna Elementary.

Miles came home and said, “we’re gonna vote for the Student Council. Do you think I should run for office? It might be fun!”

Margaret and Zeke: the encore.

I heard myself quoting my mother.

“Let me tell you something young man, if you want to be President, don’t mess around. It’s not fun. It’s work. Campaign and do it or get out of the way and vote for somebody else.”

He trudged down the hall, like I had sucked all the joy out of the universe in ten easy seconds.

He returned to the living room a few moments later.

“I want to run for President. I’ll do the work and I have some ideas. Will you help me?”

That was like asking a Clydesdale if he wanted to work for Anheuser-Busch.

Posters. Flyers. Business cards. A speech.

He’s thought and thought and thought.

He’s written and written and written.

He’s practiced and practiced and practiced.

He’s campaigned and campaigned and campaigned.

Win or lose, he did the work.

He made the effort.

I couldn’t be more pleased.

He’s dealt with bullies making fun of his campaign slogan.

I encouraged him to ask the question. “Why didn’t you run?”

The kids voted.

Like Zeke, he won.

Somewhere, some day – his name will be etched on a plaque.

Congratulations, son.

Mr. President, it’s time to get to work.

Unexpected Kindness

Unexpected kindness makes all the difference. Life Pie needs more grace than sugar.

I received a late-night email from one of Sophia’s teachers. The inevitable stomach-churning commenced when I saw the sender’s email address.

Oh, Lord. School. A teacher. What happened?

The teacher’s words…

“Good evening Mr. Griffin,

I was going to email you about this beautiful young lady. You have raised a great future leader of tomorrow. I enjoy her in my class. I told Sophia last time; she is a God sent young lady.

Thank you so much for trusting me to teach your child. I cannot ask for anything more. She is always at her best behavior and always willing to help me with things I need in class.”

I have chewed middle-school butt since the beginning of school. Everything has changed, and nothing has changed.

Behavior. Effort. Attitude.

We’ve had more eye rolling than I like and more drama than I imagined possible.

The transition to a completely different world coupled with a return to face-to-face instruction after a nearly two-year, pandemic-sustained hiatus has been anything but dull.

Many days, I wonder if we’re terrible parents. Are we wrong? Too controlling? Too demanding? Too forgiving? Too loose? How does a father know when he is right? Where is the line?

All the bravado and self-confidence in the universe will not answer those questions.

Does she hear anything we say? Is she who we think she is when she walks through the school door?

Oh, me.

Unexpected. Exceptionally kind.

Good for Sophia. Way to go, girl.

And thank you, Mrs. Charles, for putting my mind at ease. For the moment, anyway.

My return trip to self-doubt and worry doesn’t leave until tomorrow.

I Am Somebody – Sophia

Sophia’s pledge to herself and the universe, to be proclaimed every morning this school year.

She is somebody.

I am somebody.

God is always with me. Always.

My brother is a prince, my mother is the queen, my daddy is king and I am royalty.

I will remember to say “thank you” and “please” and “you’re welcome” and “I love you.”

I will listen so that I may be heard when I speak.

I will mean what I say and say what I mean.

I will eat what makes me happy.

I will always do my best and I will believe in the possibility of the impossible.

I will think and I will learn.

I will laugh and I will cry.

I will love and I will enjoy the adventure.

I will celebrate family time, stories and kindness.

I will be honest.

I will try to do what is right, even if it is unpopular.

I am willing to be wrong and I am not afraid to fail.

I will be generous and I will be kind.

I will forgive myself and others.

I will work hard and I will play hard and I will remember that naps are important.

I will be grateful and I refuse to surrender to worry.

I will take care of myself and my family.

I will dance and I will sing and I will paint.

I will read and I will dream and I will create.

I will remember and I will believe in grace and truth.

Whatever it is, it will get better.

My body is my business and nobody else gets a vote.

Life is tough and so am I.

I accept myself and I am responsible for me.

What I bring to the world is enough.

I am loved.

I am Sophia Elizabeth Griffin and I am somebody.

The Night Before School – 2021

Well… we’re one hour into the first day of school and I’m nowhere close to sleeping.

Something isn’t right. I’ve cried and cried while watching SISTER ACT 2 and JUMANJI (the one with the Rock, not Robin Williams.)

This is the first time in Sophia’s life I won’t be in school. I’m crushed. Broken. Lost in in a seemingly endless darkness. Unneeded. Unnecessary. Bitter and generally not fit to be around.

Whatever. There is nothing to be said. Monday ain’t about Jeffrey.

The wave of first-day pictures and new haircuts is imminent.

Freshly-sharpened Ticonderoga #2’s have been replaced with school-issued Chromebooks and mechanical pencils.

We’ve written on the car windows. Lunch notes are folded and tucked where they will be inevitably discovered.

New outfits are hanging on the bedroom doors and the new shoes are laced.


Vikki and I are PTA members at Vienna and Meadowlark.

Alarms are set and new face masks are beside the door.

What’s left?

God.

G.O.D.

Guard On Duty?

Good Old Dad?

Greatest Of Designers?

I don’t know. I’m honestly not feeling like an “All the way with Yahweh” cheerleader. I feel done with the universe and I don’t like it.

The night before school begins has always been, for me, like the night before Christmas. Full of excitement and wonder with unbridled joy and enthusiasm for the next adventure. Not tonight.

Might as well get to what matters…

God, look after Sophia and Miles. Look after all the children.

The teachers.

The assistants.

The custodians.

The secretaries.

The administrators.

The coaches.

The counselors.

The cafeteria folks.

The maintenance brigade.

The bus drivers.

The crossing guards.

I need-want-hope-ask-pray-and-plead for each of these people to have the best school year of their lives.

It’s selfish. I want them to be at their best so they can give their best effort while teaching and leading Sophia and Miles.

Lord, keep stupid people away from our children.

Remind the world that perfection is impossible.

Send kindness and grace through the school doors.

Prevent our children from chasing friendships that are unhealthy, unfair and unlasting.

Put the worry on me. I’ll carry that cross.

Shut the doors on mean-spirited, inequitable, unforgiving hearts.

Fill their days with patience and wisdom and joy.

Their school schedules are somewhere here on the desk, but I can’t find them. If I could, I’d call each teacher by name. Perhaps later today…

God, fill the fifth grade at Vienna Elementary with unseen angels and keep my boy safe.

Surround the sixth grade at Meadowlark Middle with warriors cloaked in the armour of Heaven and keep my girl safe.

May Sophia and Miles be twice as good as their father and half as good as their mama.

Amen.